Monday, August 04, 2008
♥ 12:26 AM
this is a real butterfly. well, was. then the world got to her, so now she's lying on a tissue less fragile than her in the hands of a stranger in a faceless subway.i am so depressed. and you know what, i reallise that i can be depressed and high at the same time. its like, i experience one but act the other to balance things out. OH MY i really do have issues D;
today i felt really bad and was silently ranting at God. sometimes i think he ought to be shot and sometimes i think I ought to be shot. gosh this is confusing. im bitter that i failed physics cos of careless mistakes that in the end i couldnt find anyone to blame (and clifford was at home so i couldnt take it out on him). ROAR i hate my class!! i am going through such a shitty time with them now cos they're all nerds. THEY ENJOY STUDYING. while i just cant DO as well as them.
D':
then to make things worse on sat chloe forced THE TALK on me (i bet angel set her up for it) and while now i feel better, ive got a feeling its gonna leak out btwn the awesome threesome gerald angel and chloe. haha okay i didnt mean to imply anything now;D... but like yeah. i have difficulty letting friends go out of my life-more than anyone else i guess. i still remember people whom i havent seen or spoken to in like, 5 years? and i miss them. i think of my children church friends almost everyday, when we were too young to feel bothered by anything other than a lack of sweets. chloe was like [DDDDD :] with her jaw hanging on the floor, all "oh my goodness something something you should something something something you know its like something something..."
sigh. im just tired. i need a break, a refreshing something thats enough to shock this shit out of me. a hundred years ago i would baulk at even falling to this stage. i know im gonna crash and burn, and ive been sending out distress signals but maybe people just dont recognise them. perhaps its time to take a nap.. just lie still.. shut out the sirens around... and not move until eternity is over.
I WANT
black specs.hahah what else. i cant never remember them when i do a list.
