It's been a while since the two of us talked
About a week since the day that you walked
Knowing things would never be the same
With your empty heart and mine full of pain

So explain to me how it came to this
Take it back to the night we kissed
It was Dublin city on a Friday night
With vodkas and coke, I was getting insomniac

We were sitting with our backs against the world
Saying things that we thought but never heard
Oh, who would've thought it would end up like this

But everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on
Was trying to take it back before it all went wrong

[chrs]
Before the worst, before we met
Before our hearts decided it's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Let's try and take it back before it all went wrong

There was a time that we'd stay up all night
Best friends, yeah talking 'til the daylight
Took the joys alongside the pain
With not much to lose but so much to gain

Are you hearing me? 'Cause I don?t wanna miss
That you would drift on memory bliss
It was Grafton street on a rainy night
I was down on one knee and you were mine for life

We were thinking we would never be apart
With your name tattooed across my heart
Oh, who would've thought it would end up like this

But everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on
Was trying to take it back before it all went wrong

If the clouds don't clear
Then we'll rise above it, we'll rise above it
Heavens gate is so near, come walk with me through
Just like we used to, just like we used to, yeah, yeah

Let's take it back before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we met
Before our hearts decide it's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Let's try to take it back before it all went wrong
Let's try and take it back before it all went wrong

you know, its quite like
our special song. kind of. when
i dont have time to talk, i feel
like i dont even have time to breathe.
but when i hear it, it cheers me
to think how you sang it to me,
over that night a long time ago.
dont think i've forgotten you,
you know you're still my friend.(:


yeah, im sucky and sentimental like that. ):

omg. crazy new plan to leech money. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS CRAP?

To: anazergal@hotmail.com
CC: tanshock@yahoo.com
Subject: $ rewards
From: tansh@sg.ibm.com
Date: Mon, 28 Sep 2009 11:41:03 +0800


Maria

If you make these grades for your O Level finals,
I'm willing to incent you with these $.
Pls do your best.
Aggregate

12 - $50
11 - $100
10 - $200
9 - $400
8 - $800
7 - $1,000

Best regards,
*MR TAN* (AKA, DADDY DEAR. HER DAD IS BLOODY FORMAL, EVEN OVER PRIVATE EMAIL-.-)

HEH. ME AND POON WERE SHRIEKING SO LOUD IN OUTRAGE IM SURE THE CHANGI AIRPORT STAFF COULD HEAR US.
if i were maria, i'd bloody well make sure i get my 7+ points!! apparently her dad is really stressed (moreso than her) that she wont make it to some jc or whatever dumb institution of higher learning. snort. i wish i had parents like that.

anway, veg: what the freak! how do you get parents like that!?
maria: training, dear. its all about conditioning them to llllower their expectations! tell them from young not to expect much and reward more. works every time.

VEGGIE WOULD LIKE TO SAY SHE LOVES MARIA WITH ALL HER HEART AND WOULD GLADLY BEAR HER LOVE CHILD~
VEGGIE WOULD ALSO LIKE TO ADD THAT SHE DID NOT VERIFY THE GODFORSAKEN CRAP COMING OUT OF MARIA TAN GOON GAH YIN'S RUSTED COTTONS AND WOULD LIKE TO DISAGREE.
THE REAL VEGGIE WOULD ALSO LIKE TO ADD THAT SHE WOULD ONLY KEEP MARIA'S BASTARD CHILD IF MARIA WOULD GIVE HER ALIMONY EVERY MONTH OF 12358183499329494184792081294738984731`8974992 WORTH OF GALLEONS. THE MINUTE SHE STOPS PAYING, THE KID GOES TO THAT RECLUSIVE ONLINE LOVER OF HERS WHO FEEDS MAMMALS TO HER 3-INCH SNAKE.

(maria, any comments?)

MUA MUA MUAK I WURVE MARIAAAAA

yep, definitely her. sounds just like the drool trickling from the mouth of jabba the hutt. droople.
(maria cannot further defend herself. she is currently vibrating helplessly in laughter while poon threatens us both with evisceration and exile.)

anyway. about o lvls. stress is seriously cracking our already-lost nuts for now. being with my gay male relatives - maria and poon - only do slightly to alleviate the condition (seeing as we share the same waveLENGTH). i have to write some bloody essay after this. toodles!(:


postscript: maria, if you grope me one more time, i swear i will do more than dislodge your kidneys. and yes, those ARE your kidneys. your stomach is not found in the left corner of your ribs.)

i think, i love seeing
the other side of others.
regardless.
time cant help
this one.
when i do,
you still
shock deep.



it might not be such a good idea anymore to read minds.
who knows what you dont want to find.

the heart is both the strongest and the weakest.
exactly 3 jumps down.you'll feel what i mean.

guard it well.

Don't offer a neurotic happiness - he'll never take it. There's a bout of misery keeping him perfectly content.
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

'Nothing encourages creativity like the chance to fall flat on one's face. ~James D. Finley'

dear lord, please let this be true. i cant feel more crushed and liberated than i am now. its a whole new experience, and ive not decided whether i like it yet. it is unlike any other, and not entirely... good. it is painful, costly. but i shall learn.
at least let this be a pyrrhic victory, and let me win the other battles.

it is like... conquering your enemies, yet loosing your king. it is like ... selling your soul for everything else, but your soul. how can i possibly put this agony into words? every where i turn, i see echoes that bring fresh nausea. it is like betrayal. breakup, only tres' worse, because i caused this to befall me! o, what excuses can i lie to myself? i have failed. despite warnings and second chances. there is no where i can run to escape my own mind. i am trapped. i am crushed. i am alone, all alone.

i really dont want to talk to anyone. its like that, its just that i cant. i cant bring myself to feel happy, and i wont be miserable on your parade. i know talking to my dear friends always make me smile, yet this time.... it only serves to remind me how they are in another world altogether.
i'll tell val about this later.

maybe to get better, i have to get worse.

When some folks agree with my opinions I begin to suspect I'm wrong. ~Kin Hubbard

pan is here when stong says my idea is perfectly fine.
pan asks if he's just patronising me! i feel like crying.
pan is also here when he says i need to work harder.
pan whispers i am no good. replace fear with anger.
maybe i'll work better this way.

pan is here.the harder i ferret, pan just burrows deeper.
i cannot drive it out of my mind.
it is the beginning of the end.

-------------------------------------



today, i was sticking more works to the art room walls. doing stuff like climbing on top of a table with my shoes on. not really thinking. sugar rushing. squeeze blue tack. push it onto the wall. squeeze more blue tack. i promptly stepped off the edge and fell straight to the floor.

it is the beginning of the end.

put these two together.

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. (Carol Sobieski and Thomas Meehan, Annie)

and

Neurotics dream of a good life, or a great suicide note. (Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966)

i guess quoting poetry is better than dumb twitter.

mood: stressed and spacing out, on purpose.
listening to: Alphaville - forever young.
eating: chocolate puffs and rice.
drinking: hopefully not dirty paint water
watching: you
doing: your mom.

okay, i HAD to do this. its from darling marliyah's blog from ages ago.

[begin]

Thursday, August 6

Ripped from Charmaine's blog. Because she thinks this is oh-so-hilarious and I just wanna see Rachy's, Poon's and possibly Veggie's expressions.

Sharlene : i am so relieved. “The members don’t want to disband, but just feel that the contract is ridiculous. Right now, the things each of the three members want is a little different, however, the relationship between the members is still unaffected.”
Jeffry:
That just means that they are going to disband. Euphemism, my dear, plain euphemism.

---

Sharlene : keeping the faith forever ♥ ♥ DBSK saranghaeyo~
Jeffry: I thought they disbanding liao. Then make four new bands: D, B, S and K. Then you would have 4x3 more guys to flap over!!!
[end post]

HAHAHAHA. WELL MARIA. HERE YOU HAVE IT:D the first one sounds EXTREMELY like chloe.&because we're both pessimists at heart, her second favourite word is euphemism. i cant remember the first, but it isnt that. (something nastier, probably.) the second convo... ROFL. SOUNDS LIKE AN EQUATION. 8) i hope they dont disband anyway. { wibbles for effect:3 }

'WE'RE 4G, LET'S OR-GIE!'
talk about class slogans. im ashamed to have unknowingly helped stupid rida come up with hers:D

anyway, quick post! its break time between NON-STOP-BREAK-BACK-PAINTING. oh manzxz.

Longest Day '09 WAS OSSUMMMMM!!!!!!!!!

really!! even though it was chaotic as hell. yeah.
first, we kinda had some violent game castle building, somewhat like capture-the-flag and some other mmorpg type which i cant rmb. -.- k, involves use of balloons, chairs. in every class there's soldiers and builders.
how to win? build the most castles, on other classes' home ground.
how to build your castle? STACK CHAIRS LIKE MAD.
how to kill people? POP THEIR BALLOONS! our class cheated and ganged up on select targets.)
lastly, how to get rid of castles? GRAB THE CHAIRS AND PLACE THEM IN RANDOM OBSCURE POSITIONS AROUND THE SCHOOL.

8D

to add to the madness: it rained. like, BUCKETS. wet within three seconds. its like those soppy reunion scenes from taiwanese dramas that involve copiously unnecessary amounts of water. but being slightly off-kilter from studying previously, everyone only ran about faster and stabbed more balloons.


....


okay eventually, they had to call it off, of course. ms ho casually sauntered in with an umbrella, all nice and dry, and ordered everyone to STOP THIS AT ONCE AND COME INTO THE SHELTER! in the end, the spiffing game was abandoned. ):

other subsequent 'class-bonding' events were:
dry shampooing and hair sculpting in the rain. (totally ironic, we know)
blowing a tissue-race. blow blow blow. OUR CLASS WON ALL THREE MATCHES-.-
imitating statues in the concorse. then faking pictures.
sliding (more like rolling uncontrollably) down the mg hill. they pour soap and water over first, then place you on a float and shuve you down the bloody hill. i swear the other vp's eyes were popping.
catwalk + design of a CATTY design. oh this was interesting! hahaha. we forced the normally snarky chloe to be the model. ;D and so i designed a REALLY SEXY DRESS FOR HER. HAHAHAHAHA. OH MAAAAN. i had in mind the huge curvy structures from alexander mcqueen. well it was fun sticking it all onto her, those huge paper boobs. i hope she'll forgive me): but anyway, (BECAUSE OF MY BRILLANCE) WE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

of course, it helped that chloe decided to be really catty and REALLY STRUTTED. hehehe. never gonna let her forget that! but yeah, we had TONS of fun in that one. if the picture comes out in the school mag, i'll post it here.

kay, gotta get back! ((((((:
i MUST finish stupid art. im quite scared. ive bloody missed church this weekend for it! if only it were'nt so! i miss church. how horrid.D8

Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker. ~Author Unknown

picture from Pasir Ris fish farm! LTR: roxxane, rae, veg! we're all secretly cats, we love to catch fish. (;

career fair in schl! cant say i feel real smug:D
i think. amongst my peers... i know exactly what i want, and how to get there. only question is, will i get there? hrmph. still. i think ive planned out my life for the next 10 years. Plan A, B, and possibly - C... yeah okay, i reckon i am a little paranoid:D

meanwhile, im actually doing art. NEED PROGESS!!

....


heh. caught soof oggling at joey today. that's just sick-making! i feel a triffle outraged and VERY disgusted. it was just a minute cos joey had to discuss something with that creep after assembly, but you know - she's kind of HEIGHT CHALLENGED and mr soo is just so tall. not to mention today's strange interpretations of working attire. if anyone's doing any oggling at joey, it should only be maria!

hehe. but... i know she knows. but its kind of... boh pian. you know? sigh. i feel really disturbed): no one should have to see their best friend go through that ;-; AND WITH A CREEP TOO. if its stong or some cute guy she likes, i might actually be inappropraitely happy. ARGH! I NEED TO GO BLEACH MY EYES NOW.

AND WHEN THE SKY IS FALLING,
DONT LOOK OUTSIDE THE WINDOW
STEP BACK AND CATCH THE FALLING STARS
DONT RUN AWAY

i feel like a right git. D;
you know, when you've done something incredibly ass-worthy and just wish the ground could open and swallow you up? yeah this is one of those moments.

omg. GUYS!!! READ THIS!! AHAHAHAHA. GOOD GALLOPING GRYFFINDORS, EVEN IF YOU HATE HARRY POTTER, YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS.
(guranteed a laugh, from snide snorts to full out rolling-on-floor laughter.)

presenting,


'THE ORIGINAL NAKED QUIDDITCH.'


To: Fred & George Weasley
From: Harry Potter
Re: Re: Stuff

Ginny's on the inside track. As for your fears: I've only just begun.

HP

I mocked Voldemort
Ask me how!

---

To: Harry Potter
From: Ginny Weasley
Re: Ask you how?

What do you mean you "Mocked Voldemort"? Doesn't everyone?
Gin

---

To: Ginny Weasley
From: Harry Potter
Re: Re: Ask you how?

No, I actually "mocked" Voldemort.

Hey, Gin... how would you feel about being my right hand when I conquer Voldemort and take over the Death Eaters? Create a new regime of utter evil. You're a Weasley, you've proven to be devious and ingenious... and you have past history in this area.

Whattaya think?

As for the mocking:
"I tink I taw a bid bad Moldiemort
I DiD, I DiD
I did tee a bid bad Moldiemort"

HP
I mocked Voldemort
Ask me how!

---

To: Harry Potter
From: Ginny
Re: You DIDN'T?!

Harry! You DIDN'T?!

- Ginny

---

To: Ginny Weasley
From: Harry Potter
Re: Re: You DIDN'T?!

I did. Why? What's the worst he can do? Jump up and down shrieking "Kill him! Kill him!"?

- HP

I Mocked Voldemort
Ask me how!

---

To: Lucius Malfoy
From: Lord Voldemort
FW: Re: Re: Minions

Malfoy!

KILL HIM! KILL HIM!

Your Lord & Master,
Voldemort

---

she's just an ordinary girl. i wouldn't know her.
but with such devotion you speak of-
tells me she will be above special.
your love has made her beautiful.

--------------------------------------------------------
oh man. art is gonna be due soon - 22nd sept.

im so scared.

honestly. i started off enjoying art. but suddenly now, its turned into something scary and monsterous. i dont know how to explain, its something you just have to go through. its like having a cuddly pet has grown fangs and 6 feet and overnight, a carnivore threatening to eat you. you know? okay maybe not. this stupid feeling its just something you have to go through.

anyway, life in the meanwhile is in the strange lane. jia hao lent me some really informative books.. though im not sure i'll use it for good and not abuse. heh heh. otherwise, finished all my holiday homework, except art. which ironically, is what i usually look forward to and complete first. this feels like betrayal, only it isnt really... possible?

meanwhile, some oldies music! :):):):) this has been keeping me company while i study late. pity, they dont make songs like these nowadays. its all meaningless scratchy techno sounds with words that repeat. boring!!

here's Forever Young by Alphaville. though ive no such inclination, songs of old are awesome like so, and have power to convince you otherwise:D i love every line. its like i could bold and colour all of it on the back of my science pad! warning though, THIS GUY HAS AN INSANELY HIGH VOICE. more extreme than mika... pftshw. its a little unbearable at first, but it kind of grows on you. maybe its just cos he really means it? hmm:/

Lets dance in style, lets dance for a while
Heaven can wait were only watching the skies
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst
Are you going to drop the bomb or not?

Let us die young or let us live forever
We dont have the power but we never say never
Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip
The musics for the sad men

Can you imagine when this race is won
Turn our golden faces into the sun
Praising our leaders were getting in tune
The musics played by the madmen

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever

Some are like water, some are like the heat
Some are a melody and some are the beat
Sooner or later they all will be gone
Why dont they stay young

Its so hard to get old without a cause
I dont want to perish like a fading horse
Youth is like diamonds in the sun
And dimonds are forever

So many adventures couldnt happen today
So many songs we forgot to play
So many dreams are swinging out of the blue
We let them come true

randomly,

He spent the rest of the night in the bed Blaise summoned for him, deciding who he hated more; Narcissa or Weasley, coming to the conclusion that they were both evil cows, his mother dressed better, Weasley had better oral hygiene, and that he had the most abominably disastrous luck to have to have lived with both of them.

…………………………………………………………

As the days passed, Draco was elated to learn of Weasley’s habit of being in short supply around Blaise’s apartment; she was gone for most of the day and hid that sodding face of hers in her bedroom or a tin of food most of the rest of the time. Were he not a Malfoy, and had he not other things to do, he’d have jumped for poncy joy.

-.....................................................................-

Chowing down over chow mein, it was Colin who brought it up. The young ex-Gryffindor was a bit unsettling at times, but completely and disgustingly as infatuated with Blaise as Blaise was with him. Draco tried not to think about them when he ate.

“So, Malfoy, are you still searching the job market?” Colin asked, breaking the silence with what he hoped to be a conversation starter. Draco frowned a bit. “Yes. No luck yet on that account.”

He heard a dry chuckle to his left, and already knew it would come from the she-devil perched cross-legged on the counter top like a domestic monkey, but not as well-trained. “What’s the matter, Malfoy? Male prostitution not paying as well as it used to?”

MUAHAHAHA. poncy joy and abominally disastrous luck. got to love the language.

if what's best for you is what's most painful, would you still like me to do it?

i dont know.
so many times, i face this in so many people who confide in me.
sometimes, i wanna wring your neck for sheer stupidity, but i cant.
sometimes, i just wanna drag you away from what's hurting you. but i cant.
do you want me to tell you the truth?
do you want me to do what you couldnt - what's best?

or how about this.
so many times, im holding your dark secrets.
the little things you make me promise not to tell.
the strange questions you ask are extremely telling of what's on your mind...

it hurts me, but i dont wanna make that choice for you.
im not like that! when i promise not to, i really wont tell.
but then... am i being a true friend? or am i too caught up in being your playground buddy i'll take your secrets to the grave - both our graves... well- what really is a true friend? all that smut aside, would you hate me if i helped you, but it hurt? what can i do! i feel so helpless. eitherway, i loose you. im not experienced enough to try both. ive only stood by silently watching you descend into madness.

tell me, answer me. what would you do?

Hitherto it had touched him on the intellectual side alone; but now his imagination also was engaged, or rather, enslaved.

-Robert Louis Stevenson DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE

sick again. ;-;
sorta.
i just fell asleep after lunch yesterday.
slept through dinner, breakfast, and past lunch.
(well eating what's left of a late lunch now)
19 hours of time wasted.

but its probably what my body needs.

ive had non-stop partying since friday o_o
friday is EXHAUSTIVE shopping with val, running from Borders to Far East (we actually found a wig shop!!!!!!) then to Plaza Sing (to get jade's present). Then Baptism study, all the way back at KAP. then jade's birthday party at a bowling alley which looks more like a club. until midnight, i think.

saturday gets better. morning is spent traipsing around bugis. finally found Haji Lane and the great mysterious Flea Market! Quickly left for emme's birthday party. ate lunch there, jumped on the stupid bouncy castle... then caught a lift to Paragon. Had dinner (no actually, just one xiao long bao) at kenneth's farewell party, then ate ben andjerry's. reached home utterly bone tired. didnt help that there were rather traumatic things between what im saying here.

sunday. church only, thank goodness. came home, made chocolate dipped apples for teachers. and a black top hat :D as well as Gen's unicorn costume. what an annoying girl. if she weren't living in the same house i'll have successfully ignored her incessant screeching :D

monday was the worst. half-school, teacher's day celebrations. it was fun dressing up with rae. (who brought a really, really, BDSM TTM whip. the small kids were staring. we stared back. they quicky dissapeared.) walked to kap. ate brekkies. walked back up the bloody hill. com lab closed, and mr ong left alr (so how do i get back art?) felt like it was gonna rain, so i made yixuan leave first. ugh. then waited for the rain to come.
it rained.
i walked down the hill when it was cooler. bussed the long way home. with some weird acsi guys staring at me. (what,you've never seen boots before?) studiously ignored them. reached home. bathed. ate lunch. then fell asleep until this morning. missed yesterday's dinner. darn.

i might post about HAJI-LANE-FLEA-MARKET some other time. all i can say is that ITS EXACTLY LIKE DIAGON ALLEY. long. crowded. mostly-one-way-only. with loads of queer things! cheap, generally. interesting. quirky. BUT HOT. HOT HOT HOT!! got burned by melted lip balm which felt like boiling sulfur oil. still... AWESOME. must find the next one and go for it!!

(other things)
new firefox! the vid hosting is so much better(: and the collab with Dailymotion? hahah, smart move! will be extremely handy since so many people watch their serials there.
grooveshark working again!! YEAH
blogger down though. GRRR.
art due tmr. really upset. GRRR.
rachy is depressed. no surprise, its over art too. BAAH.
matt is in trouble. sigh. feeling anxious for him makes me feel tired. its funny how i cant make myself otherwise. i always feel troubled if my friends are.

OH GOD OH GOD. i didnt reallise pearlyn is uploading her pictures. doomed to hell. wait, i already feel like im there anyway.

(randomly)
i bought two new shirts! which are both sleeveless. amongst other things. such as a metal playboy snuff box and an old black clutch. and a really expensive present for jade. bah.


"Peeves is a Percival! ironic isnt it."