I HAVVVE GOT THY IDEA FOR ART!!! WHOOOOOOOO!!!

now all that remains is 9 months of hard work:D
hahahahah. but still, im quite excited to start on this at last! O:

Shake it off.
Pick yourself up, they say.
Your life fell apart in your hands, and you’ve got the scars to prove it.
It’s not the first time, and they’re getting deeper.
Pull it together.
Button up your shirt.
Roll down those sleeves.
Don’t let them see how you’ve coped.
More and more your demeanor looks like quicksand.
It seems like your giving up on everything you worked for.
It’s pulling you under.
It’s gripping around your throat.
Life can be overwhelming,
but don’t turn your back on the strongest crutch you’ve ever.
They have always been there to brace your fall.
Wave goodbye to the past.
You’ve got your whole life to lead.
It’s time to gain some ground
August Burns Red - composure.

It's a place yet not a place, for you will not find it in any map or signs
And it is said that you shall not find it if you seek for it , but it will find you when your need is great enough
It's a place where one finds more questions, and sometimes, answers...

AND NOW! for the more serious (or just less gay compared to stong, all people pale in comparison:D) stuff, im going to blog about mai niu year.

today has to be the most tiring day for me. i swear, every time wednessday comes around i lose 1kg just being in school. in the mornings, we have voice and posture training for drama before school starts. then PE, running/train for 2.4 km. usually by the time PE ends and we change out, there isnt much time left so i usually dont go for recess, but just starve in class D: AND THEN. lunch time. on wednessday, we have TPC/assembly before dismissal, so once again the stupid school drags until like 2:15pm. CCA for drama starts at 2:30, and you dont wanna be late and face the ramanator (our drama instructor from hell/), so once again NO TIME FOR FOOD. gosh, the only solid meal i get is dinner )':


i think this new year was a good one, in the sense that i finally got to go back to penang!:D i havent gone back for new year since i was eight. the house and my grandparents are still the same, though i think i got to know them a lil better from this trip(:

during the new year, we stayed at my grandma's house (my penang grandparents are estranged). its a Semi-D, think a little like Landed property just that its connected to the neighbour's by an alley at the back, which my aunt and her family of 5 stays.

the house on our side is empty and quiet, now that all the children have grown up and moved out. its just my grandma and her maid. my aunt comes over every now and then to help clean, talk and give her food. but then my grandma isnt very talkative either. not after what happened between her and my grandpa. she doesnt eat much, but watches TV most of the time. infact, its all ive ever seen her do, watch chinese soaps or stare off into her world.

In the house, theres a winding staircase from the uppermost floors which are the bedrooms down to the kitchen& dining room, then the garden, the basement and the carpark. somehow the garden is on the second floor, along with the rusty white swing. the walls are mostly white. the floor is white. the ceilings are dark with shaddows and dust, cos the yellow lamps dont really reach hard enough to brighten whats there. the house is old, yet it feels really comforting, steady, eternal. theres nothing to do on the hot afternoons but lie back and listen to the continuous whop-whop of ceiling fans, praying for a breeze to lift the thin curtains.

i guess going back to my house was really a break from school life. school is really so hectic now, even though its barely been three weeks for us sec 4s. they gave us another "pep talk" today, and told us that we better do well. actually, i suspect its just the principal being all nagging cos we're her first batch of Olvl students to graduate under her. and no offence meant to anyone, but i dont think my year is that fantastic. compared to last year's POWER batch i mean. last year we had the top scholars for the mother tongues. the stupid newspapers even came to our school to interview them. but thats not really the point...

i think really stressed out about o levels right now. i dont think the stupid talked helped much DX! D: sigh. on the other hand, i feel just depressed): which brings me to...

moving to malaysia. which is really a choice i dont want to consider... until now. my cousin just told me that theres a new college in malaysia, its a little like the IB programme in the sense that its also run by foreigners, its english based (thank god). if you do well enough, you can jump straight to harvard or browns or some other university after graduating. its fees are in RINGGIT, so like its almost half the cost of education even if i get into ACSIB.

at the end of this year, i'll be going back (after O levels) to take another entrance test. if i cant get into anything i like here, i'll be going to live in penang to study at this school, i guess:/ i really dont want to go, i cant bear leave all my friends and church behind. its just that lately it seems like my whole life just revolves around marks, school, education, how well you do, and in this eliteist society called singapore, theres really no place for anyone else. hmmm, maybe thats why so many of the talents seem to leave... hahah. im so depressed and yet in denial about how i feel now cos im trying to cheer joey up, whos in a REALLY WORSE state than me D8
(yes, its possible xuannie.)



------xxx-------


Hug me till you drug me honey
Kiss me till im in a coma
Hug me honey, snuggly bunny
Love's as good as SOMA.
-Brave New World, 1894.

mr ong has to be the most awesome and fail teacher EVER. AT THE SAME TIME. watch this.

26 jan NIU YERR and its 1:04am:
GONG XI FA CAI! XIN NIAN KUAI LE!
Have a good year ahead! dont forget to do your Higher Art
and Coursework too! 2 weeks
(out of 12 for higher art) have passed! :)

WTF. im half asleep and somewhere in penang.
like, its the new years eve! :O but anyway it goes:

val: hahah yes mr ong! i have ideas for higher art alr, and i'll like to ask you some stuff too! is it possible to discuss it before art starts on thursday?

stong: got time ah?

val: yeah, meet at 230? cos schl ends at 2 for us but art starts at 3!:D

stong: eh i dunno? heh. no. i want to eat lunch! :)

val: AAAH! D8
well anyway, youre already going away for reservist!
Mmm what are we doing for art lesson tis week then? will it end early?

stong: many things. i dont really want to use art lesson for higher art! :)

val: OKAY THEN YOU HAVE TO COME ON FRIDAY! haha! there doesnt seem to be other free days! XD (mr ong just sleeps at home on friday. he doesnt have lessons.)

stong: er i have been planning to make it saturday. :)

val: MR ONG!! D": i have a life! can we not go to schl on sat?! D: well okay im going to sleep alr, i'll try to find you again when schl starts? thanks anw):

EPIC.FAIL!! I AM GOING TO FLUNK HIGHER ART AT THIS RATE, AAASDOACISMDEOACIJSD;OJIAR;WSLEKNA;LSIDJH;OACSJKFE;LAJKSDFA
D":
mr ong is such an ass at times. grh.

Jaejoong is the sexy sexy one in the middle!! 8D
Yunho is the one with teething problems cos he's biting his shirt:O
AND Micky is the cute one who looks has "hopeless" written all over his face.
he's wearing brown and kissing whats-his-name again:D heheh.
dont you just love dong bang? HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAEJOONG ON MONDAY THE 26TH!

i was going to post an emo post about watching fireworks from my house' balcony and something about stars but i got too lazy so-

HAPPY CHINESE NIU YEAR!!
(:

sorry, another time people! :O

THIS POST IS ENTIRELY RANDOM. WHOO.

CONGRATULATIONS RACHY (poo),
FOR GETTING YOUR EARS PIERCED!!

not like me. if i rmb rightly, gen forced me to do mine with her.
hmmmm. I WILL GIVE YOU LOADS OF FUNKY EARRINGS THAT YOU HAVE TO WEAR FROM NOW ON. HEHEHE.


ARGH, DONT KNOW WHAT TO WEAR,
DONT KNOW WHAT TO PACK!!
D8
its like 1:43am
i wonder if xuannie has slept.
hmmm......................................
no way to find out anyhooo, she cant answer
i cant be bothered to pack all today. GAH
MY EBAY WIRES HAS NOT ARRIVED YET. HRMPH.
going out with sheryll is fun!:D
sheryll and joey hue. hahaha.
what a combination.
went to: SWIRL. HULA& CO. MAX&MORE.
im going back to Swirl soon, its at Stamford House.
i swear i love those places!
dont know why.
mmm also went to Sephora...
and WATSONS LOL.
sheryll went for a TOOTH extraction right in the middle of shopping!
me and joey got really high on starbucks.
"RI GUYS ARE LOOK LIKE SUCH NERDS!"
oops we say things too loud:D
somehow, we met half of singapore's schooling population at orchard D:
...and all in uniform too. EWW.
thank God mgs has a holiday on friday ^0^
The Stamford House's BAYLENE has really cool jackets.
hmmm i have new underwear!!:D
its from last Penang's shopping raid (dec?)
the sad thing is that you cant show off nice underwear!
really!! you cant parade around in it, so theres no decent way to display them.
its quite sad.
i shall stop monologing on underwears.

i still havent packed.

pumbaa's LJ is sooo cute! hahaha
i just love the way she posts.
random outbursts of inspiration.
maria's blog is awesome too!
or maybe its just the things she posts about...
generally things that dont make sense
but its still funny cos only JJANG will get it:D
why isnt rachy updating!!!
MORE THAN WORDS is the Precious Moments theme song! :O
more than words... is lagging like mad):
i still havent packed.
its now 2:04am
i will be so dead... tmr when i cant wake up
maybe xuanyi will WAKE UP WAKE UP ME
so tired. eyes are drying up. ):
THERES A PLACE ON OCEAN AVENUE
WHERE I USED TO SIT AND TALK WITH YOU
WE WERE BOTH SIXTEEN AND IT FELT SO RIGHT
SLEEPING ALL DAY STAYING UP ALL NIGHT
NA NAA NA NAAAAA
oh random burst of song!
my school diary is full of random things too
maybe i'll upload how AWESOME it looks one day:/
im bringing bio to penang to do! ):
i'll be gone until ... mmm. tuesday?
i'll miss church! NOOOO. D:< that will be the ... third week. sigh): dave is such a domestic goddesss. really. can cook and can shop! next thing i'll know, he secretly likes sewing too. i just reallised that dave and jarrad HAVE A REALLY SCREWED RELATIONSHIP. D8 oh gen says "what took you so long to notice!" shading on artrage is such a painintheass. i havent even started learning OON MYUNG. AAAH!! imma gonna sleep. like now. even though i havent packed a whole lot of stuff packing is such a pain in the ass. thats why im going to sleep. D:


PHYSICS.
FEESIKS!
FIE-SYKES!
RRRRRR~


(:

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

PS: YUNJAE STILL RULES MY CYBER-WORLD! 8D

I DONT KNOW WHO CROSSED DONGBANG WITH TWLIGHT (XSFEWAOSIDCWESLISM)
MICKY IS CUTE. BUT NOT CUTE ENOUGH TO BE EDWARD. HE SHOULD BE LIKE, JACOB INSTEAD.

THOUGH JAEJOONG'S ROLE AS ... BELLA... IS SO FITTING.. HAHAHAH.

TRUST THE DRABBLES TO COME UP WITH THIS.

HOW MANY PEOPLE ACTUALLY READ MY BLOG THAT I DONT KNOW OF?!?!

xuannie,
matthew
ling
and jarralalal.

D:

THIS MEANS I WONT BE ABLE TO PUT ANY PORN HERE!! HAHAHAHAHHA. all you little kids, behold this and squeal in terror! 8D

hahah. i am going to post about happy things for now, cos im quite depressed actually): but please dont reply to that. hahah.

1. RACHY HAS FINALLY SENT ME OON MYUNGGG!!!
i dont know how she found it. but she has.
OMG. i am going to learn how to play it,
and then i'll have to play it for her... hahah.
but its awsome(: [for all you noobs, oon myung = full house'!]

2. I GOT LIKE, 5 MARKS MORE FOR MY
ENGLISH TEST DUE TO AN ERROR IN
CALCULATIONS. HAHAH. its a hell of a raise(:

3. IVE FINISHED BY BIO PROJECKKK!!
and i am really glad. despite that ASDASDCDSFASDF
meiyi not doing her work (and i had to cover for her),
me chloe and uyen have managed to print, post and
compile all the stupid lor sorh crap on global warming! (:
AND. we're not doing the slacker way (of 2 pathetic boards)
but we're going for the FULL Ao BOARDS!! WHOOO. AND
IT LOOKS SOOO GOOD. HAHAHA.
I BETTER GET MY A1!

4. Im going to PENANG ON SAAATTTTT!!! WHOOOO!!
and maybe see my dear cousins. hahaha. enough said:D
i might be meeting the scholars, mostly suanne, gwen lynn
and wee lynn at GURNEY PLAZA, the place where all the
cool kids hang out(8 HAHAH. if we do bump into each
other, like last time... hahah.

...OH WAIT I HAD BETTER
GO TO PACK MY STUFF..

5. hmm. should i include this? HAHAH WTH. I AM RUNNING OUT OF THINGS. THIS SHALL BE THE LAST...
JARRAD SCHNOEFLEKKK IS BACKK!!!((((:
AND SO'S SWASTICK! EVEN THOUGH HES' SICK!!

hahah. awww, i missed them too!(: and i'll be missing you guys again when i go to penang, its just occured to me that i wont be seeing him for like 3 weeks! OH LOL I JUST TOLD JOEY "DONT WORRY, HIS FACE ISNT THAT PRETTY ANYWAY." hahahah im so mean:D sigh. me and joey are having major mood swings over the phone, she's just proved that you can really laugh and cry at the same time...

what a paradox.
but then again, isnt that what life's all about?
finding balance.

-------------------------------------------------------
i guess im really feeling the stress from everyone now, i hate how my class is JUST SO PERFECT!!! GRAAAAHHHH!!! they're like fricking nerdy robots. which means they are 100% accurate and 100% perfect and 100% nerds! D: well okay make that 90%,

we recently have two hamster classpets:
T.T. and B. C.! which is like TRYING. TO. BE. CUTE!
SQUEEEEEEEEEE....

hahahha. but they really are!! joey the true gay donated them (LOL), they're brother and sister, they'll the ultimate distraction between lessons (hidden at the back of the class), and they make so much strange noises!! D:okay i shall stop digressing. but yeah, the whole point is that its really tiring to have to compete against them. ): but i dont want to be so depressing anymore... hahah. and old problem just surfaced, but no new solution! D': you know, when you TALK indepth to someone, you want to be alone with your thoughts / that person and no other distractions? sigh. yes, me and joey are going to find a strange corner in MG just to talk, like somewhere on the roof though a back door, so we can leave our other worries when we go there and forget everything else. its so tough having to listen to so many people SCREAMING for you to listen to them! D: i dont mind listening to others vent, its just that sometimes it really sticks in my mind, and i end up suffering from the same delusions! D: mike meyers said (during the Asia Conf) that this happens, though you're supposed to learn how to block out other's problems, create a separate space or sth so it doesnt affect you. YOU DONT NEED TO FEEL GUILTY OR RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM. but somehow i cant access that part, oh gosh i probably have serious issues or sth, hahaha.
---------------------------------------------------

okay, i think i will post more of this stuff on Jjang as a reply to Joey there, or sth? :? hmmm. i love BooBooKittyF8ck's gallery on Dev! omg. even though shes quite vulgar and all, its just funny and awesome at the same time! :D


YEAH. GOING OUT TMR WITH SHERYLL AND JOEY HUE!(: to go visit a couple of art-galleries, then go shopping for new year clothes!(: we're going to bugis i think, then maybe to orchard. hahah(:

Break Even - The Script

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no

What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains ooh
Cos you left me with no love and no love to my name.

exam mode - AzreenChan

was just scrolling around deviant looking for inspiration as usual:D
heheh. THIS IS SOOO CUTE! if only exams were this simple.

HEHEH. watching micky and yunho have to be the best pastime EVER.
this is all rachy's fault:D hahahah.

micky is such a failure la, he ran into the chair and fell down, he was stabbing something with a pencil, there was some bit about pulling out his armpit hair at the last part... and THE EPIC FAIL: he whacked the horsey and it just smacked him back!! HAHAHA.\

and yunho actually looks good in contrast to idontknow ... for once!:D
HEHEH. THEY ROCK!! and while i just reallised this vid has
no english subs (somehow they got lost! O: ) what those two are
mostly singing is LA LA LA LA LA LA LA and the occassional
HAPPEE DAAAYYY...

from micky. hahah.

HI GUYS!! WHOOO!:D

this is my art o level questions!! yes, WE HAVE ALREADY GOT THE PAPER, DONT GO ALL GAASSSPPYYY ON ME. art starts early cos we have 9 months to do this, yaaaaahhhhh!): its still not enough time to develop, yeah i hope i can finish it, ahahah.

its Paper 1: Coursework, for those who have seen the MG artroom its like the really huge paintings / installations you see, you know the one with the mannequin and the other one that covers the whole wall? haha yes that.

okay okay the main reason why im putting this here is cos i need inspiration, suggestions and ideas from ALL OF YOOUUU! YES EVEN IF THEY ARE STUPID. AHAH. THEY MIGHT TRIGGER SOMETHING, I DONT KNOW. so just leave your comments on what i should do!(:

ps: for those who think "OH NO, WHY IS VAL ASKING FOR HELP FOR HER EXAM QUESTIONS?!?! SHE'S CHEATING! DDD8" please relax, we're allowed to do this cos art is fantastic(: HEHEHE. no its cos theres no right and wrong in art, so no matter who we ask it wont gurantee if we get better marks or stuff. we pretty much ask at our own risk, like so.

and anw, the paper's 9 months! hahahah!! so theres really no stopping us from talking to our friends/teachers about this LOL.


THE 6 QUESTIONS ARE:
1. glass containers.
2. masks
3. landmarks
4. marine life
5. relaxing
6. food hall (WTF?!)

hahah. mr ong says its best to have a totally randon idea of our own (eg, LETS PAINT BARNEY!) and then to squish it into the most unrelated question (eg, marine life!) and then somehow link them tgt so the idea looks really abstract. ahahah. trust him to come up with things like this:DD hehehe. SUGGESTIONS IF YOU HAVE.

this is really emo rant,
JOEY IS BANNED FROM READING IT COS SHES CURRENTLY EMO TOO.
I dont really know who reads my blog anymore, so i cant set specific censorship or wtv.. this is for those who think i have a perfect life, you pretty much know who you are la(:

this was written a while ago, i half-mashed up my keyboard when typing it but im recovered now. i didnt really want to post it cos i know this kind of rants are rather pointless and will probably invite trouble. so, please refrain from replying with sympathetic / sarcastic comments, unless you have truely sincere words or some kind of wisdom to help me thru this. (:


I AM SO UTTERLY ANGRY AND HATING MY FAMILY RIGHT NOW. except for oli and clifford. but yes apart from them,
I AM SICK OF ALL OF THEM. ESPECIALLY GEN.

I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY SHE HAS TO BE SO MEAN TO ME, WHY SHE HAS TO RAT ME OUT TO MY MOM. LIKE YTD, I WAS FRICKING HELPING HER WITH HER STUPID MATH AND LIT HOMEWORK, AND WHY SHE CANT BLOODY EVEN LEND ME OLI'S E-DICTIONARY FOR 15 MIN. ITS NOT EVEN HERS, AND SHES NOT EVEN USING IT UNTIL SCHOOL STARTS. WHAT IS HER BLOODY PROBLEM?!!! AND THEN ON SUNDAY, SHE SAID SHE WANTED TO GO EARLY WITH YIXUAN COS "actually, i have things i want to talk to yixuanwithout you being there. that's all."
SO OKAY, I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT. THERES TIMES WHEN I NEED PRIVACY TOO. SO, IN THE END I WENT WITH JUSTIN AND JARRAD IN HIS CAR. BUT THEN LATER TODAY AT KAP, I FIND OUT FROM YIXUAN HERSELF THAT 'oh gen? in the end she was just reading her book! she didnt even tell me anything secretive or what... and if you had told me, i'll let you come, even if gen says no."

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK!? BUT IM NOT EVEN GOING TO BOTHER TALK TO GEN, ITS NOT LIKE SHE'LL BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN.

AND. I KNOW I LIE TO MY MOM ITS JUST TO SHUT HER UP. ITS NOT RIGHT, BUT I HAVE NOTHING LEFT. I HAVE DECIDED A LONG TIME AGO NOT TO CARE, COS THEY DONT REALLY CARE MUCH FOR ME ANYWAY. "all your dad and i want is to see is you getting into a good JC!" NOT LIKE "OHH, HOW WAS SCHOOL? IS CHEM HARD? I HEARD YOUR CHEM TEACHER SUCKS, I CAN WRITE A LETTER TO COMPLAIN IF THEYRE NOT DOING THEIR JOB! " which is what joeys mom once said.

I AM SO SICK OF HER AND MY DAD HOUNDING ME FOR EVERYTHING, ALL THEY EVER DO IS "why cant you study harder? so stressed? who ask you never work harder?!!?" I HATE THEM. I HATE THEM ALL!!!! I WISH I DIDNT HAVE TO HATE THEM. I WANT TO HONOUR MY PARENTS TOO,

BUT THEN IT SEEMS THEY MAKE IT SO HARD TO! I AM JUST A HUMAN. I AVOID ARGUEING WITH MY MOM TO THE POINT THAT I JUST AGREE WITH ALL HER NAGGINGS, SCOLDINGS, POINTLESS BLAMINGS AND ACCUSATIONS "why cant you and gen come down earlier?! its your responsibility to CALL YOUR YOUNGER SISTER AND ARRANGE WITH HER!!!" .. even when she has no reception cos shes in the library, or like "CAN YOU GIVE IN TO YOUR YOUNGER SISTER? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OLDER AND MORE MATURE!! JUST LET HER HAVE THAT BOOK/SEAT/FUCKING NEW PHONE!!" go ahead. blame it on me.

i've decided that its rather pointless and ineffective to argue with them. so, i let them scream until they have no blood and energy left, then i'll just go wait in my room and cry until i feel better. it used to hurt, and i would just call joey or feel like commiting suicide. but in the end, i decide to NOT let it affect me. i dont want to be suicidal or run away, not until i find a proper shelter or foster home first. it has been like that for so long, ive learn to shut out most of my feelings already, so it doesnt hurt as much. im not an emo kid, i dont cut/ starve / mutilate myself or write apocalyptic poetry. i just sigh and go back to doing chinese or some other thing. the only drawback about being ATTENTIVE BLANK is that sometimes you can be heartless (eg, watching a horror movie like The Exorcist but thinking that the victim's mutilated arm frankly does looks like food,) only to reallise it about 3 seconds later.. its creepy.

at this point, ive got to apologise to dear jjang and some other people for being so brutal sometimes. i guess this afferent attitude is usually its reflected in my cynical outlook on life. around people im not that close to (aka most of my classmates except jjangers) im often hopelessly nice and sweet, and the teachers all go "awwww" and "what a delightful and charming girl! " (yes laolao said that in chinese). but then when im with jjang or other close friends (in church), they see a totally different side of me that only comes out when im hugging my pillows before i sleep, just reflecting on my life.. hahah. theres alot i dont tell, and alot MOST people dont know. im afraid of putting my trust in people):

okay, im sorry i had to let all this out here. i dont care who you are, what you write back or how happy you feel reading this (suo weit de, you xie ren zhen shi xing huo le zai). whatever. mistake, time and experience are unforgiving but powerful teachers. i will be concentrating on my studies even harder while learning to avoid stalkers, backstabbers in my life and other people who are just jealous. (:
-deep breath-

TOODLES, EVERYONE.

LOVE,
valerie.

you know what, this is so strange but

i just called swasbile out of boredom. heheh. thats really rare cos normally, hes the one who does the pestering D:

well anw, its so late, so obviously hes sleeping already. so his answering machine (OR HIS MOM) picked up and answered in a really grouchy voice... AND I BURST OUT LAUGHING.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

OH MAI GAD, WHATS WRONG WITH ME, ITS JUST SOOOO...
HAHAH. I MUST BE HIGH. he sounds half-dead (as always) but its
just suddenly so funny!!!! 8D reminds me of that time i answered dave using jarrad's
phone and said it was pizza hut... and dave really belived 8D HEHEH.
ME AND JARRAD WERE HYSTERICAL AND ROLLING ALL
OVER THE CHURCH FLOOR 8D poor dave. he hung up shortly after.

:D okay im just really high now. just a second ago, i was feeling so depressed cos joey was sleeping already so i couldnt call her to say that i finished my chem... hahah.

IM GOING TO BRAS BASAH TMR WITH MR ONG AND RACHYPOOPOO TO GO ART-SUPPLIES SHOPPING AFTER ENGLISH TEST. HAHAHAH.
tmr will be so fun!!!!(: YAY. YEAH. ok highness dying down, i better go sleep. (:

GOONDIGHT!

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made

I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself

LINKIN PARK, LEAVE OUT ALL THE REST
which is coincidentally one of mr ong's better fave songs...

somehow, talking about the suicide of friends seem to bring a smile to my face. maybe its cos someday i know i'll be joining their ranks.


HEY EVERYONE WHOS READING THIS, THIS IS WHAT I HAFFF TO STUDY FOR O LVLS!! ALL MY CHAPTERS FOR MAJOR SUBJECTS!! OMG.

READ IT AND WEEP, YOU NOOBS.









AMATH CHAPTERS:
1. Simultaneous Equations
2. Sures, indices, log
3. Quadratic quations & inequalities
4. polynomials & partial fractions
5. modulus fuction
6. binomial theorem
7. coordinate geometry
0. linear law
9. curves & circles
10. plane geometry
11. TREEEEGO D:
12. simple trigo identities
13. futrher trigo (add. formulae, double angle, R-formulad, factor formulae)
0. differentiation
0. rates of change
0. maxima &minima problems
0. trigo derivatives
18. exponential & logarithmic function
19. Integration
20. Area of a Region
21. Kinematics

EMATH SEC 3
1. coordinate geometry
2. matrices
3. profit/loss/percentage
4. congruency & similarity
5. area / volume of figures
6. trigo ratios: sine + cosine rule, area, 3-D problems
7. arc length, sector area, radian measure
8. properties of circles

SEC 4:
9. graphic solution of equations
10. further graphs for kinematics
11. vectors in 2D
12. standard deviation and mean
13. cumulative frequency distribution
14. [more on] probability

BIOLOGY
1. cell struction
2. movement of substances
3. biological molecules
4. leaf structure, mechanism of photosynthesis
5. digestion in mammals
6. cellular respiration (aerobic, anaerobic)
0. excretion
0. homeostatis
9. blood, the heart, transport
10, xylem+phylem, transport in flowering plants
11. the nervous system
12. coordination & response
13. cell division
14. sexual reproduction in flowering plants
15. sexual reproduction in humans
16. inheritance
17. DNA
18. organismss and their environment

PHYSICS
1. SI units and measurement
2. kinematics
3. forces
4. mass, weight and density
5. turning effect of forces
6. energy
7. pressure
8. temperature
9. pressure in gasses
10. transfer of thermal enery
11. thermal properties and heating capacity
12. light, refraction, ray diagrams
13. waves
14. electromagnetic waves
15. transmission of sound
16. static electricity
17. current electricity
18. DC circuits
19. practical electricity
20. mgnetism
21. elecromagnetism
22. electromagnetic induction

CHEMISTRY
1. apparatus
2. purification of substances
3. solids liguids and gasses
4. elements and compounds
5. structure of atoms
6. chemical bonding
7. structure and properties of bonds
8. CALCULATIONS (3)
9. periodic table
10. properties of metals
11. extraction and uses of metal
12. acids and bases
13. salts and neutralisation
14. ammonia
15. chem analysis
16. redox
17. electrolysis
18. energy from chemicals (exo / endo)
19. speed of reaction
20. pollution
21. guels and crude oil
22. alkanes and alkenes
23. alcohols and organic acids
24. macromolecule structure (plastics, polymers)

TOTAL. GRANDE TOTALLE: 21 + 14 + 18 + 22 +24 = AJS@ASDCAS!&LWK2$#@MED#$CLJKMASDAC
SDCAOSIJDAFP2QE9829U1ASSKMWOIEFAJSLK

99 BLOODY CHAPTERS ARRRRRGH

-goes and sobs in a closet-
SIGH. New Year's Resolution (NYR) of 2009: BE KINDER TO EVERYONE. ESPECIALLY THE NEW ONES. and those that make you cry. and those that make you scream. and those who really really, honestly do need it...

sheesh im finding it harder and harder to keep ): especially with all my homework... i think i'll try to pull an all-nighter today. and have panda eyes for poor pauline's wedding tmr(: even though its such a joyous occassion, i'll be avoiding SOME PEOPLE so as to not break my NYR by getting angry with them.

then, im going to visit NGEE ANN POLY later tmr after its over to meet vanny and generally have a run of the place! hahah. it should be fun and a little more relaxing. (: rahhh! i need joey around to destresss!! MY MOM WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME. I AM SO FRUSTRATED WITH HER ALREADY. and then i keep counselling people still, listening to them and feeling emo too. im a catalyst type of person i guess, i just amplify whatever emotions you go through.
...
like how im high with rachy cos shes just so GAAASSSPPPYYYYY hahah and how im just sick with maria, though thats mostly HER FAULT. HAHAHA. i love jjang!! (: and i dont know what i'll do without them. they've been close to me, and we all support each other through this like, entire secondary school years since we met in sec 1D (THE GREAT). yargggg. sometimes i think i'll even trade my cg people for them. its so sad but yes, im feeling really GREAT now D:

im just so angry right now, so puzzled at the same time while yet feeling so sad....
suddenly the world is like poetic to me.
hahah. matt, if you see this you'll know what i mean! D:
RAH. good lord, whats wrong with us! D':
i'll just blame it on school (: heheh. as always?
im going to do chinese now anw, i havent had a long rant like this in so long! D:

but before i go, something poetic from LIT that i'll leave in your minds...

DOVER BEACH.
Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world, which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.

Matthew Arnold, 1851.
this sums up majority of my life.

Olivier Ponsonnet. Kerem Beyit.
let me cry at the beauty,
their works are SO FUCKING GOOD.

oh my god. it makes starwars illustrations look like LEGO. D: i swear, they make dragons and faraway cities of distant dreams come to life. THERE IS DETAIL. there isnt pixellation, there is just perfection. MASTERS AWARD.

EXPOSE' 6

just flip through the pages of EXPOSE' 6, it has to be the BEST illustration book ever.
bytheway, i just found out that photoshop is really for noobs :D
people who make this stuff are like... GODS.
I WANT TO BE AN ILLUSTRATOR NOW,
IF ALL ELSE FAILS AND I END UP IN ITE LOLOL.
ITS THE AWESOMEST AWESOME SHIT EVER.
they use maya, mudbox and other stuff your teachers dont tell you about.

i came across a lists of all the Masters on a random fangrouping on facebook. i havent had time to check out all, and i dont regret still wasting my precious study time to be reminded that there are greater things in life than studying...

oh gosh. i am just so amazed. their arts are like asodiujasldkcjiuo;lkamewfdscusoiklfewhdiuascoklmfbhewuiqskaldvhijkas!!!!!!!
its so good it has to be illegal, hahah. i wish i could learn how to do pictures until like theirs...
maybe someday. i highly doubt these things are taught in schools, you have to pick up these stuff on your own or from a mentor. forgive my terrible obsession with these, they'll probably be the death of me.. shiahahah. -queer laughter-

i have to sleep, but i know i'll be
dreaming of the strange exotic lands stuck in my mind...
siiiigh.... ((((:

[click to enlarge to full detail, and

on the subject of recess / canteen food,
i have decided to boycott it temporarily due to unbelievable FOOD QUALITY AND PRICES.
whooo!! hooray to the Rise Of Food Lunchboxes! (R.O.F.L.) eheheh. anyway, this is recess for jjang(:

PUMBAA & RACHY& NENER
MON: 11AM (WHUT I AM GONNA STARVE)
TUES: 11AM (NOOOOOOOOOOOOO)
WED: 10.40AM (URGHHHH)
THURS: 11AM (YOU BASTARDS)
FRI: 10.20AM (...WELL THAT'S MORE LIKE IT)

MARIA& CLARINDA
MON: 11AM
TUES: 10:20AM
WED: 10:20AM
THURS: 10:20AM
FRIDAY: 10:20AM

YIXUAN
mon: 1040
tue:11
wed:1020
thurs:11
fri:10...or isit 1020?

VEG:
MON: 10:40AM
TUES: 11AM
WED: 11AM
THUR: 10 FRICKING AM
FRIDAY: 11AM

FROM WHAT WE'VE GOT, SEEMS LIKE
EVERYONE HAS 10:40/11AM RECESS ON MONDAY,
11AM ON TUESDAY (EXCEPT MARIA&CLARINDA)
WED: 10:20 - 10:40 FOR EVERYONE EXCEPT ME AGAIN):
THURSDAY:... uh. freak recess timings from 10AM to 11AM, BASTARDS.
FRIDAY: 10:20 FOR EVERYONE EXCEPT BEGGIE. ):

JOEY HASNT REPLIED. GRRH.
nor has vally either D:
-ninja's off to find them-


love you all!(: and pray for me please if youre reading this, it means youre really free and im suffering under all my school work D:

"YOU AND 99? OH MAI GAD,

I AM SO SEXUALLY THREATENED RIGHT NOW. "

hahahah you've got to love Get Smart.
theres nothing like a bit of kickass comedy to cheer you up 8)

AWESOME, ITS ANGUS,THONGS&SNOGGING MV! (:
i havent watched the movie, but im having second thoughts after seeing this mv! hahah.
AND. the guy is hot man! really. REALLY. STOP LAUGHING.
Ultraviolet - Stiff Dylans

SIANNING.
recess times:
MONDAY 10:40
TUESDAY 11:00
WEDNESDAY 11:00
THURSDAY 10:00
FRIDAY 11:00

WHAT FREAK TIMINGS. and my free periods arent helping either:
TUESDAY 11:40 - 12:40
THRUSDAY 9:00 - 10:00
FRIDAY 8:40 - 9:00, 11:40 - 12:40


sigh. well actually apart from the timings, im rather grateful that i have so many free periods. apart from studying during these times, me and rachy will be found frolicing around the school under Mr Ong's Failed Supervision... hahahha. he once caught us staring blankly at a rose bush from a Sec 2 classroom... ugh. those were the days 8)

WARNING, THIS ENTIRE POST FROM HERE ON IS BASICALLY RANTING. DONT READ IF YOURE ALREADY EMOING. GRRR!

siiiigh. school's starting all over, this year's the crucial one ):
the final lap. I SO WANT TO GET INTO ACS(IB).

i'll do almost anything, including freaking studying. but im having doubts now.
as always. sigh. theres alot that people dont see about me and people dont know. I have decided that this year, IM GOING TO BE NICE. but no one believes me D8 hahha. im not really sure if i mean it now anyway. im quite scared, brandon (who just finished his big O) says this is the year where i'll find out more about myself than anything. which is what's creepy, cos i dont really trust myself D8

besides, im self-preservative, lazy, untrusting, uncaring towards most, doubtful, waaaay too carefree for my own good and basically secretly suspicious of everything in situations that dont call for it. :O on top of being histronic and having a MAJOR peter-pan complex.
OOOHHHH. now you know.



but still, this is a new year's post, i should be putting happier stuff up here. this was from a while ago [somewhere in december] that wanted to post this... but somehow i didnt.

THIS CHRISTMAS.

ive fricking got a GUESS? wallet!! omg. which is a real blessing cos my dad doesnt even believe in branded goods. OMG. and then,
YIXUAN GAVE ME THe BEST XMAS PRESENT EVER!! really, when i saw it wanted to scream and hug the lovable bhangla that was next to me on the 170 bus when i opened it(: gen promptly ran away. i am so so soooo touched xuanniepoo!!! :O ive finally solved this year-long crisis between two of my really really reeeeaaalllllyyyyyyy close friends!! but im not posting their names here. (:
oh and, i keep finding monehhh!! heehee i found like a $50 taka voucher from JULIE even!! OMG.

but things have changed. though i hate it when they do, the universe in general takes delight in proving me wrong. Though i still have my gifts, i havent really solved the year long crisis thingy cos it just swung to a really bad state now, and im really annoyed.
also, i keep getting easily pissed at people in general. like gen, my mom, matthew, yixuan and probably every other human being who has a patience limit. i keep blowing up at people cos im just so stressed, but its only the 4th fricking day into the new year!!!!!!! ROOAAAAARRRRR!!!!

what is wrong with me. this is one of those rare times where im just so angry and scared at the same time. its not a good thing, i read that that's what caused anakin the jedi dude to GO TO THE DARK SIDE. oh dear. D8

and then... theres those horrible rumours that just dont make sense. that gen and that idiot ruiyuan keep coming up with. guys if youre reading this, KNOW THAT IT DOESNT HELP.
arrrgh
!#@0$@#$^@$%89&$%^*$%^&(&^
@#$@#&%^%*(^^&$^%T$#@$%^&*()&
!@#$%&*^%*%$^#TRH^&^!DR%&U&*%$#
Y^&Y@E#$%^&*&()&^%$#@!$%^&*()_UJHGFEW

-breathes-






i am going to be nice. i wont say anything anymore, i dont want to get angry, cos then i'll get more scared and more angry and more scared and kill everyone like Mr Creazil in TheLittleGirl - CrookedSixpence.

now.
before i die of stress and kill you all as well, i am going to study. SS. for tmr. and possibly do a spot of chinese zhou ji. D8

konfoosious say,
'you often meet your destiny on the path you take to avoid it.'