if i were dying and im supposed to write suicide notes to everyone,
i'd be something like this. (exampling!)

dear maria, im sorry for calling you a lecherous
old man. i love you very much, since
the day i first set eyes on you in sec
1! i love your fiery temper. you rebel!
I LOVE A BIT OF RESISTANCE. i
always thought you were full of
feminine charm, only i wasnt man
enough to admit that. i still love you
very much you know, even though its
too late for you to admit that
undying crush you always had on me:D

too much love,
veggie.

this proves im not ready to die yet. i cant take my own death seriously XD hahahaha. too much smut from FF, sigh, that was totally not my voice. i can hear Jimi's little wing speaking through me -.-

death is... complicated. understand that it doesnt just end there, because when you learn to be more mature you start reallising that its more than just YOU making a statement, but that you're leaving an expression on others around you, which is rarely positive. death is.. something i dont want to think about.

hmmm, these couple of days after the midyears have been... weird.
well, as expect midyears was just a bad dream for me D8
yeah. i didnt fail anything- -WHICH IM REALLY PROUD OF WILL YOU READ THE NEXT POINT-
but likewise, didnt do well either. ive gathered that, for an exam they wanted to slaughter us at, i can pass with just three hours of studying the day before. but that's a barely pass. good or bad? hahaha. im trying to be optimistic at failing, gosh.

oh kay let me explain the weirded feeling.
DONT DO THIS AT ANYWHERE, KIDS!
never.NEVER.
take chocolates or comfort food when you feel depressed.
really. DONT! coke or red-bull is O.U.T. too. 'cause...

you'll end up feeling OPTIMISTIC about your DEPRESSION. im serious. its a really disturbing, out-of-body-out-of-mind sensation. you can tell its working when you giggle hopelessly, throwing yourself into any cushy or tweed-beanie material in sight...

...yet while you're revelling in the senseless pleasurable feelings, somewhere in your head a voice is screaming -you shouldnt feel like that!! "no no nooo, you're supposed to be optimistic, humbled, but positive about improving! not silly and emotionally inappropraite about failing!!'' but the squabbles in your head get nowhere, and you end up grinning wider still like a damn fool:D


you see kids, sugar is really not good.

kay. back to earth. val to earth houston control.
(:

ZZZ! art marks. just thinking about it makes me tired.
there are two parts to my art marks this term, 50-50: for our drawing&painting, and the coursework for our finalyearsubmission thing. [my 9month baby.]

as usual, the d&p called for some superb last-minute cramming, and i finished more than the 4 required boards of research for d&p. i was trying out something new, using colour pencils and watercolour paints, which are both water based so you gotta be really careful about the blending/smudging. and cos the whole paper was just so last-minute for me, IT WAS HORRIBLE. when i did the exam itself i had this sinking feeling it was a fail. i've NEVER failed art before. but this time it felt... really bad. when i got out of the room, i pretty much barrelled into joey and cried. argh, so much for composure ;-; (joey wasnt being much help. mr ong the Big Oaf kim ong of Distraction-ism was around, so she was just drooling over him instead. sigh.)

but well anw, somehow... mr ong the skinny-bean-of-an-oaf still liked it!
OMG! JOOP! Aire!
yeah. i got a 70. pathetic in my standards, but for this rushed piece of crap i suppose i should be reasonable and thank him(: apparently, i scored really high for Personal Response. the theme was on 'Fragments', and so i focused mine on mental disorders- depression and multi-personality disorder.

the idea came about when i was researching for my english speech for the topic of 'Depression'. (which was supposed to be depressing. but my crazy class loved it anyway and laughed like shit, yes 'how insensitive, those brats!', but i still got 80% for it. 8)

anw while explaining my interpretation of Fragments as [multi-personality disorder], i guess somewhere along the way... i ended up sharing a bit more than i intended about myself. so ummm. im guessing mr ong was suitably touched? AHHHH WEIRD. i know teachers have this innate urge to squeal when you tell them unexpected bits about yourself. :D hahaha. all this emo shit makes you seem more.. 'real' to them, i guess.

...BUT THEN THOSE TEACHERS KEEP TRYING TO PSYCHO ME! D8 to hell with them warm fuzzies and good marks. as much as possible, i try to avoid this method. EMO SHIZ IS ONLY FOR SHANNEN.

***

kay so that was part one.
part two, the research for the finalyear 9month project... got handed up late. JUST A DAY LATE. and that's cos the Oaf only smsed me at, 2:53am THE NIGHT/MORNING BEFORE! EEEYUR!!! ofcourse i didnt see!! [insert really angry face]

sheesh. so like. "you handed up late, so i dont have an excuse to key in your marks for you." b!tch!!!!!! i was supposed to get [(83+70)/2 + (79)]/2 = 77.5 overall. but instead i got MUCH LOWER cos the bleeing first part (83) wasnt counted!! SHEESH. you can imagine my frustration. at first i didnt really feel much-"okay loh. you're such a meano im used to it already-.-" but later i reallised... art was supposed to be my ONLY A1. (refering to above,) MY MIDYEAR MARKS ALL SUCK!!

i suddenly reallised i just lost my only A1, for the subject i believed the most in... to freaking admin misunderstandings. i felt tears pricking. maybe its just the sugar causing me to overreact. but i quickly left the room so that no one would see me and try to be all Motherly and do the Tissue-paper-smother. i didnt have the mood to fight for my marks this time, despite what i usually do. as you can imagine, the rest of the day was pretty much ruined. i didnt have the mood to rush for jamming, though i promised ling and dave i'd try D: yeah, add to my misery.

AISH. im so drained just writing this now. i wanted to end with silly happy thoughts about chinese tuition, but i'll just leave that for the next post..(:

GOODNIGHT DEARS...