Thursday, September 24, 2009
♥ 2:45 AM
'Nothing encourages creativity like the chance to fall flat on one's face. ~James D. Finley'
dear lord, please let this be true. i cant feel more crushed and liberated than i am now. its a whole new experience, and ive not decided whether i like it yet. it is unlike any other, and not entirely... good. it is painful, costly. but i shall learn.
at least let this be a pyrrhic victory, and let me win the other battles.
it is like... conquering your enemies, yet loosing your king. it is like ... selling your soul for everything else, but your soul. how can i possibly put this agony into words? every where i turn, i see echoes that bring fresh nausea. it is like betrayal. breakup, only tres' worse, because i caused this to befall me! o, what excuses can i lie to myself? i have failed. despite warnings and second chances. there is no where i can run to escape my own mind. i am trapped. i am crushed. i am alone, all alone.
i really dont want to talk to anyone. its like that, its just that i cant. i cant bring myself to feel happy, and i wont be miserable on your parade. i know talking to my dear friends always make me smile, yet this time.... it only serves to remind me how they are in another world altogether.
i'll tell val about this later.
maybe to get better, i have to get worse.
